Dirty Little Altar Boy

Dirty Little Altar Boy
Brandon D. Christopher
iUniverse
ISBN: 0-595-43045-7
Non-Fiction, Memoir, Humor, Short Stories
Reviewed by Lee Gooden

Brandon D. Christopher’s book of interconnecting short stories, Dirty Little Altar Boy will bring out smiles that quickly blossom into full blown belly laughter, donkey brays, and downright soda out of the nose snorts. Dirty Little Altar Boy is the Reganomics, A-Team, Knight Rider, Back To The future, Oliver North, Max Headroom, Family Ties, Growing Pains, Dennis Miller’s mullet generation’s version of Bob Greene’s hilarious memoir, Be True To Your School and an Americanized, Adrian Mole Diaries. Like, Ray Bradbury’s classic novel, Dandelion Wine, Christopher’s stories work independently, but when blended together, they flawlessly heighten the impact of the narrative.
Written in a first person narrative form, Dirty Little Altar Boy begins with an introduction to the main character, Brandon, a twelve year old boy attending Catholic school, an obvious alter-ego to Christopher. He writes, “Tall and gangly like an unscary scarecrow, with fully grown ears on a still-growing face. Combine that with a flat-top haircut and you’ll find a kid that wears two pair of underwear. The word cool isn’t the first word to come to mind.” Christopher continues with a description of Brandon’s friends, “My posse consisted of an extremely short kid from Guadalupe named Javier Fulton, as well as the new rich kid in school, Marshall Lamberto, my A-Team. We watched each other’s backs on the playground, or we watched each other’s fronts when one of us got pushed onto our backs on that playground.”
Christopher describes in vivid emotional detail his protagonist Brandon, and his cronies misadventures of adolescent angst. They are on the borders, the teetering edge, an in between limbo of where it acceptable to plan elaborate practical jokes or get lost in their make believe worlds of pirate-ships on mysterious hidden urban bodies of water , KungFu fighting and cap-gun wars in back yards, garages and half dug in ground pools. At the same time they are plagued by the fire ravages of hormones, scoping out the local girls and having deep intellectual conversations about who is hotter, “Sergeant Dee Dee McCall” from the television show Hunter or Daisy Duke from the television show, The Dukes of Hazzard.
The problem with memoirs is that they never show the transition from immature teenager to immature grown-up. Christopher’s explanation is that there is no exact date when the change occurs. Change gives no warning nor shows compassion. Change, just is, whether one is ready or not for the pain.
Christopher’s pop culture references are a blast from the past that should send the reader into a time machine of their mind and look back onto the bitter sweet memories, a short-lived innocence and naiveté. Christopher is a wise adult still in touch with the feelings and ideas of his younger self. He is able to see the humor. After all, how many of us actually remember the television show, Manimal? Brandon, Christopher’s personified memory remembers for us and we are all the better because of him.